how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
