Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
