I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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