You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
