Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
