I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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