I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
