dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
