I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
