you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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