he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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