ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
