He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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