HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
