I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
