the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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