Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
