So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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