Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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