thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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