I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Drunk is not a location!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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