Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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