God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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