so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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