i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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