ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
