and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
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Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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