the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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