guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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