I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
