Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
