so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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