I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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