I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
