I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
