i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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