C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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