Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
