my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
