you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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