My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
