so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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