Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
