We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
