u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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