I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
