dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
