my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
