margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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