We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
