now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
