well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Damn victory sex feels great
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
