i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
