i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
