that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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