Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
