definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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