Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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