Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
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this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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