just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
