She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
