i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
