i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
