I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
