I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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