Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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