We're like a lot better than the average bears
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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