She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
