Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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