I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome