a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
