Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.