Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.