Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
