Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night

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  (603): i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening (508): yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night http://tfl.nu/fae5
  Replies (45) Good night (5612) Bad night (718)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk

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  (423): I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk http://tfl.nu/ntyc
  Replies (18) Good night (2651) Bad night (1639)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked

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  (732): You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked http://tfl.nu/rb79
  Replies (3) Good night (1254) Bad night (2984)
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  (631): View more from New York

  im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies

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  (631): im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies http://tfl.nu/qgfc
  Replies (64) Good night (19811) Bad night (1582)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...

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  (519): she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up... http://tfl.nu/djzy
  Replies (19) Good night (893) Bad night (9896)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

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  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (15368) Bad night (1119)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar

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  (317): Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar http://tfl.nu/plcg
  Replies (13) Good night (5736) Bad night (1244)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?

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  (504): she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud? http://tfl.nu/6q2n
  Replies (30) Good night (9237) Bad night (1352)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends

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  (919): Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends http://tfl.nu/02aa
  Replies (3) Good night (1221) Bad night (568)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.

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  (443): I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon. http://tfl.nu/q1re
  Replies (4) Good night (1117) Bad night (779)
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  (914): View more from New York

  The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"

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  (914): The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?" http://tfl.nu/1k91
  Replies (4) Good night (1377) Bad night (504)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.

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  (817): I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult. http://tfl.nu/nj2j
  Replies (4) Good night (568) Bad night (940)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.

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  (716): I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me. http://tfl.nu/jxfi
  Replies (5) Good night (781) Bad night (363)
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  (+42): View more from

  I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.

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  (+42): I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico. http://tfl.nu/klt7
  Replies (0) Good night (690) Bad night (267)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.

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  (615): fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize. http://tfl.nu/qrsa
  Replies (2) Good night (311) Bad night (333)

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