There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
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The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick